Update post show and appointment

So I haven't written in a few days. I'm just going to recap our night in NYC as well as my appointment in Philly!

Tuesday around noon, Rawley and I left to go to NYC. We had a nice lunch at a local pizza shop. I had probably the best Philly cheesesteak I have ever had in my whole life. It was a great lunch before the big city! We arrived in Parsippany, NJ around 4pm or a little after, got around, and then headed into the city 40 minutes away. With the show at 7, we thought we would have plenty of time to get into the city and walk around for a few minutes beforehand. Lucky for us, with traffic very backed up, we managed to make it to the show at exactly 7pm!

Let me tell you... we sat next to the loudest person in the whole theater! The screams coming from this girl were earsplitting, but the show definitely called for them! The show had an amazing set and amazing choreography, as well as some very talented singers. The show was about a young man (Darren Criss) who starts out as a window washer and makes his way to the top of a company out of sheer good luck and due to reading a book called How To Succeed. It was very well put together, and definitely worth every minute of it. After the show, we stopped at T.G.I. Friday to eat and called it a quick night and drove back to the hotel to sleep.

While the show was great, the downfall of the night was that I couldn't stop coughing. The guy in front of Rawley and me kept turning around everytime I coughed, and I got a lot of rude looks. I can understand why, but there was no way I could stop it. I took my inhaler very often and had Dayquil before the show. Nothing seemed to work, and next time I will try even harder to keep coughing away before a show.

It seems I have been coughing for about a week. I have never had a cough last this long without being sick in the hospital. I believe it is a mixture of the weather, air irritants, and possibly the mixture of pets I'm around between my house and Rawley's house. I got very concerned about what the doctor would say the day I had my appointment, but I went in there with a positive attitude.

At my appointment, I saw Dr. Hadjiliadis. My FEV1 came back as 58% as compared to 63%. Dr. Hadj said it was probably just due to the weather changes and possibly a cold. He said Nyquil at night as needed would help as well as starting my inhaled antibiotic early. Also on the agenda is taking better care of my blood sugars. Rawley and I are working together to get my sugars more under control. When I forget, he is going to remind me. It's really nice having someone who is so into helping me stay healthy, and is willing to do anything to make sure it stays that way.

Also in new news, I will be moving out of my parents house and into Rawley's parent's house. Until we can get a house, moving in together is the best and easiest way to start saving up towards building or buying a house. Also, it will give us an idea of how it will be to live together as a couple before getting married. Wedding ideas have been thrown around, but nothing has been chosen yet. Getting a house is a huge deal, and doing both a wedding and a house at the same time is really not financially possible. One step at a time, I say.

Here's to hoping for the best for the future with health, home, marriage, and family...

Excited!

So as you can tell from my title, I am very excited! For Christmas this year, Rawley bought us tickets to see How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying on Broadway. I can honestly say I have no idea what it is about, but I had heard many good things about it. Originally, Dan Radcliffe was supposed to play in the show. For those who don't know, he plays Harry Potter in all of the movies. For the day I'm going, Darren Criss is actually going to be there taking his spot! Once again, for those who don't know, he plays Blaine in GLEE, but most importantly, he plays Harry Potter in A Very Potter Musical. I am far more excited to see him perform than I would be Dan, and it just happened to work out that way that we lucked out the night we are scheduled to go! Darren is only going to be with the show for a couple weeks, so I am absolutely thrilled to see him in real life!

I haven't decided if all of this excitement is a good or bad thing yet. Currently, I'm dealing with some lung and stomach issues. I have an appointment to see my doctors in Philly on Wednesday, and I am hoping that my lung functions remain as high as the last time. They say attitude is a big part of your health, so maybe all this positive excitement will help me! However, if I know how my body reacts, it will probably not help me. When I get nervous or excited, it's almost as if my lungs collapse in on themselves and breathing is so much more difficult! I can only imagine what my lung function will be after seeing an amazing Broadway show, walking around NYC, and wallowing in the happiness from my recent engagement. I guess I should just be lucky I am able to experience all of these things. Some are not so lucky as to even dream of them! I'm going to push through the sick and enjoy the next two days because they are full of excitement, and I'll be with my fiance to boot.

Teamwork

This year has started off to a great start! On January 5th, I got engaged to Rawley Filbin over dinner at our very first date choice the BriMarie Inn in Sayre, PA. While this engagement has moved rather fast, I can not help but find myself more and more overjoyed every day when I think of spending the rest of my life with such an amazing, honest, good-natured man.

Ever since I was a little girl, I never thought that I would find anyone who would want to get to know me, let alone ask me to marry them. Fighting a chronic illness can be a rather daunting task, and there are times when you feel as though you are fighting on your own. I've learned as I've grown that is is definitely not the case. When you find a person who truly cares about you, they are willing to stick by your side through sickness and in health, and I can 100% confidently say that I have that.

Since I've been with Rawley, I have not once felt alone. He is there at every doctor appointment taking notes and thinking of ways to improve both of our lives. He's not one to ask me to do something that he would not want to do. He does not sit there and tell me to do my breathing treatments, drink water and exercise. He is right there by my side playing a card game with me while I do them, offering to drink water with me, and planning ways that we can both exercise to benefit us as a team. As strange as it seems, I have never once thought of approaching my health as a joint effort. I always felt like it was my job and and my burden to bear on my own. While I know deep down that this is not true, it's easier to see that it now is not all on my shoulders.

I'm ready to see how much my life changes once I am no longer Miss Bolster, but rather Mrs. Filbin. Bring it on!

It's a new year, and hopefully a new me.

So it stands to say that I've not been very successful in updating this blog. It seems as though where I left off in my writing and sharing is where my life went drastically downhill. After thinking and thinking, I believe it's time for me to truly start writing again.

The less I keep people updated, the more I keep to myself. The more I keep to myself, the worse I become mentally. I have let myself go: body, mind, and soul. Needless to say, I am slowly picking up the pieces from where I broke my own life. I'm starting to open up more again, accept more help, surround myself with positivity, and simply live for myself and the others who mean so much to me. I have had failed relationships which have brought me to all time lows, and new relationships which have brought me to all time highs (family, friends, and significant others). I have people who have stuck by while I selfishly and narcissistically believed that the world was only about me. I thought for the longest time that I was fighting alone. I was angry, pessimistic, depressed, jealous, and had lost my love and flare for life.

Overall, I am on a healing journey to get my life back, and I will do it. There will be obstacles, hills, even mountains, but I'm slowly remembering that I'm not going through them alone, and that what I do not only affects me, but those around me.

It's 2012. I'm newly engaged to the most positive man I've ever known and loved. My family and friends are still sticking by me. My dog even likes me occasionally. Here's to a new year full of friends, health, help, and happiness. I'm ready to change, and I will.

Some words of advice.

Don't give someone an option if you don't want them to have a choice.

Realizations of my new job as a nurse!

1) No manicure will ever cure the excessive dryness from washing your hands repeatedly.
--Within one day of starting work, I developed hands as dry as sandpaper, and no lotion could penetrate them. I guess you could say the nurse with the soft hands is the one spreading germs.

2) You can give some people the world, and they still won't be happy.
--People who are admitted to the hospital often feel as though it is a hotel. Because of that mindset, we have to give them that hotel feeling to make them approve of the facility. Occasionally, there are those patients who, after receiving more care and attention than any one of your patients, will still never be happy.

3) Smiles make people like you, so don't be a grump.
--The comments I've gotten because of my smiley attitude have ranged from "You remind me of Santa's little elf, so happy all the time" to "You seem really cheerful. I like it!" to "You're probably the happiest nurse I've seen". However, if you smile at someone, they automatically think you have the time to take care of them too! That makes situations a little more difficult, but completely worth it.

4) It only takes one simple "thank you" to make your day better.
--I know it sounds cheesy, but there are some people who never thank you for all you do. When you hear a genuine "thank you very much" or "you are too good to me", it really makes you feel like all the hard work is worth it.

5) CA's are invaluable.
--It didn't take me too long to realize just how important it is to have people there to test your patient's blood sugars, take their vitals, wash them up, and ambulate them. These are a lot of little tasks that I know for a fact that I could not fit in even if I tried. Having constant help around is the best. I often find that CA's get to do the nurse's job (aside from passing medications and doing assessments) and we get stuck with the documentation. One of these days, I want that to change. I want more care at the bedside because that is what I love!

6) There are patients who struggle far more than you.
--Can you walk to the bathroom? Can you get out of bed on your own? Can you feed yourself? Can you enjoy your food without thickening it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you are better off than most of the patients I take care of.

7) There are patients who struggle far less than you.
--This fact actually made me laugh. I took care of a patient recently who smoked for many many many years, had fluid around their lungs, congestive heart failure, pneumonia in their lungs, and a lesion on the lungs. They had an incredibly hard time breathing. Guess who beat me in lung function tests? That person. Small airways, big airways, an 80 year old patient whipped my butt when it came to breathing. Does it bring me down? No. Why? I'm not the one in the hospital. I also realize that my difficulty breathing came over time, while their issues may have developed a little more quickly. This is why you sometimes need to step back and analyze the situation. Their problem is not less important, and your problem is not more important.

8) You can never stop moving.
--I am nearly positive I am going to lose weight. There is hardly time for food, and if you don't prioritize correctly, you get incredibly behind and bogged down. That is something I will learn to do over time!

9) Documentation is a beast.
--I just saw a slide show the other day that said that an average nurse spends 1.7 hours out of a 12 hour shift at the patient's bedside. You can imagine what takes up a majority of time when it comes to patient care!

10) I still really have the urge to work pediatrics.
--I don't have to explain this one.

Guess what?

I am a college graduate. 'Nuff said.

Graduation.

So graduation is currently three days away. I'm absolutely thrilled to be done with school and to start making my own money. I've been finding it a bit irritating lately to read other people's journal entries on their graduations. The general pattern to all of the journals I have read is as follows: "I graduated. I'm not sure what to do. I have to worry about getting a job and getting a place to live and getting to the job I have. Oh what shall I do?"

Moving out into the real world is tough and I knew that from the beginning. It just makes me so nervous to read people's blogs and worry about some of their worries, but also my worries such as: "How will I live paying 20-40% of the cost of all my most expensive drugs? What if I can't work anymore down the road and I can't get back on disability? What happens if I am penalized because I wanted to actually try and WORK in society? Will I ever be able to move out? Is life insurance even an option for me? What if I get sick during my career? How will I keep up with my bills? And the big one: was this whole road even worth it in the end?"

Even with all of these worries, I know it will be alright. Things will fall into place. I will make it happen hopefully on my own. No one else is going to do my job for me and there is no way to lie to the system about who I am and what I have to deal with. So I am going to be forced to just do it. And I will because I am not someone who just gives up

Although most would try and justify my situation by saying, "Oh, Toni! You'll do fine! You'll get in there and love your job and you'll be healthy and they will find a cure for your disease and you can work for as long as you would like!" I know that won't happen anytime soon! So, being realistic, I made some choices for the new job I'm going into. A retirement plan? No way. Realistically a 401K would do me no good. By the time I could legally get to it, I probably wouldn't be so well off and to take it out early gives me a penalty. Why would I even want that? For some of my hard earned money to be taken away from me sounds ridiculous. Instead, I'll try and find an alternative to save my money. This of course would mean I would have to have money in the first place. Anywho.

Death benefits. Count me in! I'm not morbid. I'm realistic. Everyone dies and if you are gonna give me a decent chunk of change for it, why not. Life insurance. Count me in if I can be in. Problem with things like this is insurance companies often don't like people with pre-existing conditions. We go together like oil and water. "Oh, you have asthma? No way. We don't want you. And Diabetes too? Are you trying to kill us? And Cystic Fibrosis as well?!" They would run screaming from me. I mean after all, who wants to buy or put their money into a defective piece of property, and I mean that in the most realistic way possible. It's a legitimate question.

Finally, health insurance. I'm automatically in which is fantastic. It's a decent price every month and the coverage is great. The only thing not so great is prescription medications. Now we all know I take a couple of those. If I did not have insurance, I would be paying anywhere between $5,000 and $6,000 each month for my medications. Now those medications that cost the most will be covered the least by this insurance plan. So say I earned $200 each month and I was paying about $100 a month on my medications because of this "We'll only cover 20-40% of your expensive drugs" thing. You could imagine why I have more worries than the average Joe.

Ultimately, I am still very confused about everything that I have chosen to take and not take. I don't need to waste my money on things that realistically I will probably not be able to use in the future. But among all this, there is so much to be excited for.

1) I'm going to be a nurse.
2) I'm finally going to get healthy on June 8th in Philly.
3) I'm going to be the healthiest starting nurse there is.
4) I won't be on disability anymore so no one can say anything about me.
5) I still have over 60% of my lung function, if only everyone could be so lucky.
6) I'm graduating in only three days, and my dresses are awesome.
7) I'm going on a boat cruise tonight.
8) I get to see the majority of my family in three days.
9) I get to see Kenny Chesney before I go to Philly.
10) I get to see my cousin get married before I go to Philly.

And for the sake of everyone who has told me:
11) I still have all of my arms and legs.

I know sometimes I voice my concerns on here, but I just want everyone to know that I do it because some people just do not understand what I am going through. I figure if I can clue some people in, they may understand a little better. I don't do this to have people feel sorry for me, because what good would that do me? Maybe by doing this, I can get some suggestions about what I can possibly do to help me in the future. After all, I'm not the only sick person in this world, and there are some people out there who have it a million times worse than I do. I just want to have a worry-free, happy future, and I don't think that's too much to hope for.

New song!

I like this song the best out of all that I've written, and it may be a little rough but I still enjoy it. Let me know what you think about it (if you hate it or like it, how it could be improved, etc.) but keep in mind I'm still extremely rusty on guitar and such. That will never change. Haha.


One Time Only | Upload Music

Great point, 102-year-old man.

I'm currently home alone, so I'll talk to the computer.

Great things:
Today is an amazing day. The weather is beautiful. Abby has been giving me cute faces all morning. The washer and dryer were empty so laundry didn't take too long. My room is clean. It's one of my days off. I have two movies I have never seen. My lungs are junky, but it's all moving really well! I'm figuring out how to work around the virus my computer has picked up. I think I'll go write a song.

Good things:
I slept in. I'm returning something I bought in order to have more money, and it feels good to be responsible. I don't have to start work until July 6, which gives me time to finish school, go to Justin and Ashley's wedding, and leaves me up to a month to get my health back in line. I confronted the rudest person in my nursing class last night. My hair still smells like yesterday's shampoo. My sheets and blankets are done being washed and dried.

Concerning things:
Though the mucus in my lungs is moving, I feel like I might just be getting an infection, again. ICU petrifies me and every time I get in my car for my internship, I shake from head to toe. I can't move "fast, fast, fast. You have to learn to be fast". I don't have the strength to pull 200+ pound people up in bed, but I'm not sure a lot of people my size post-broken arm would be able to either. Did I mention ICU petrifies me? Haha. For these being my concerning things, I would say I'm in pretty good shape right now.

Most concerning thing:
My dad's back and his lack of seeing a doctor. Once again, I'll say it. The worry you feel when I get sick is felt ten fold by me when you are in pain or get sick. Please fix it, and that will be one thing off my concern list.

Reality is awesome. Here's a dose.

I often wonder if I am a mean person. Everyone is mean from time to time. But sometimes I think the "mean" in me is just reality trying to force itself out of my mouth. I tend to judge situations people are going through after I have a bit of an idea who they are and how they respond to life. I don't do so blindly. I would never tell someone to stop complaining if I didn't think it was something they could have prevented or a situation where there are many many people who have it worse. So this is my issue. I have finally decided that I will stop reading a certain blog that I read. Every time I read it, it is complaint after complaint, a cry for pity and attention. I keep reiterating my opinion in a very blunt manner.

My mind goes through a certain process when I respond to this blog. First I try to think of what she goes through, but there is always another side to the issue. 'Yes, you have CF. So do many other people. Yes you have lots of mental issues, ranging from depression, to PTSD, to fibromyalgia, but so do many other people. Sure your lungs are quitting on you and of course I understand that you get out of breath doing tasks, but I know people personally who have less lung function than you that don't let it eat away at them and are still able to at least shower in the morning.'

I take care of patients all the time that are far worse off than this person, and they choose to do something about it, to truly put their foot down and take control of their life that is spinning out of control. Those who do nothing to help themselves are giving up on life. When someone gives up on life and begins the down hill process, they receive attention and pity and condolence, and if that is what you are seeking, then it would make sense to not help yourself. If life wasn't hard, we wouldn't benefit from it. If people didn't have abnormalities, diseases, etc., there would be no "normal". I've tried to see it from her perspective for a while now, but I just can't. As I told her once before, in the words of Hannah Montana (Yes, I know I'm 20 years old), "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock."

I know a lot of people will think I am cruel, and mean, and just flat out... the devil. The thing with this though is that I go through a lot of what she goes through. We are roughly the same age. Her lungs are a little worse than mine, but regardless of how bad off we are, we have at least one thing in common: we can't breathe well. The difference? I don't wallow in my situation until it consumes me. I don't blame others for my problems. In a sense, I try my hardest to take the bull by the horns and live a normal life. I'm not saying she doesn't try, because everyone with CF tries their hardest to get away from it, but when bad comes, I try just a little harder not to let it consume my whole being.

I found a song within the past month that just sums up life in general. The chorus is what everyone should live by. The song is "Sounds Like Life To Me" by Darryl Worley. It talks about a guy who finds his friend struggling with his issues and his life and, in a sense, everything. His words of advice are awesome. They go as follows:


Sounds like life to me.
Aint no destiny.
The only thing for certain is uncertainty.
You gotta hold on tight.
Just enjoy the ride.
Get used to all this unpredictability.
Sounds like life.
Man, I know its tough but you gotta suck it up.
To hear you talk you're caught up in some tragedy.
...Sounds like life to me.

Wear Sunscreen.

Listen to this whole clip. It's pretty old, but totally awesome.

Just in case.

I posted a new song on my MySpace. It isn't wizard rock, but rather a real song that I wrote. Just in case you haven't listened to it, the site is www.myspace.com/nbotwizardrock. It will only be up for a limited amount of time. The song is called "I've Paid My Dues". I decided I would give a quick explanation about it.

For the past few years, I have been collecting social security. I don't do it because I want to, I do it because I have to. Never in my life do I want to be considered a welfare rat, and I don't think I am. The only reason I collect on this benefit is because I have difficulty holding a job and doing school at the same time. It is not for a lack of trying. I used to do the work/study program at school, and I would work about 6 hours a week tops. This alone got me so sick and worn out that I ended up in the hospital. I get sick when I do too much. While others can handle doing school and having a job, I find it extremely difficult. If you were to ask a majority of Cystics, I would bet they would tell you the same thing. Of course, there are a select few that push themselves entirely too hard every day and ignore their disease and its progressive deterioration. But I digress. I'm getting off track.

The reason I wrote this song was because I was feeling really rotten about collecting money I didn't think I deserved. I've had remarks thrown my way about my social security that made me feel so little and undeserving it would make anyone cringe. The one thing that has been said to me that has stuck with me the longest is the following. After I told someone I was getting social security benefits, and then I got my new car (because my last one was falling apart and got broken into), their reply was "It must be nice to have a free car." Let me clarify to anyone who has this mindset: This money does not allow me to live "for free". This money just allows me to live and not be a burden to my family while I try and achieve a lasting career. I'm not a nobody who doesn't deserve what I get. I get that money for all the hospitalizations, the missed time out of my life, the pain of procedures, the isolation, and in a sense, just dealing with a chronic disease that I know is going to slowly rob me of anything and everything. So no. My life is not free. I do work for my money, even if it isn't what most people do to work for their money.

I don't mean to be a downer here, because that is not what this is about! I feel great about life right now, I just felt like I should clarify how I think and feel, and maybe people would be more accepting of the choices I'm forced to make. I've paid my dues, now let me be.

Hypochondriac.

I am a hypochondriac. I've come to that conclusion. I'm even more predisposed to it because I have several illnesses and I am a nursing major. I think the only thing I have to question now is if thinking I'm a hypochondriac is just proving my point. Love it.

Oh, and in case I'm not geek enough, I have made my own wizard rock music. If you want to hear it in all of its terribleness, go to www.myspace.com/nbotwizardrock. If you weren't aware of what wizard rock is, it's making up songs that are 100% about Harry Potter and the books or anything related to it. The genre is legit. Google it.

I just don't get it.

Today in society, we have more and more people going on welfare just because they don't want to work. That is the laziest thing anyone could do. I think if you can work, you should work, but in my mind, there comes an age where someone should be allowed a break, an age where receiving the benefits of welfare is alright if they have no savings to work with, which is common in these economic times. The following video absolutely breaks my heart because no one should have to work for their whole entire life to support themselves.

One more for luck!

This was a survey thing I found. It's basically just to let people know 25 random facts, goals, or habits you have. Have fun reading it, because this is me.


1. Harry Potter is like a drug to me.
2. I'm apparently very picky when it comes to guys because I think brains are important, as well as a big nose.
3. I like to live a simple life. I like things cheap and I like things from the heart.
4. My plans for the future are to marry in a courthouse, and invite people to party after. No dress. No fancy things.
5. I hate jewelry and flowers.
6. Leggings bother me.
7. I'm a very solitary person, and I enjoy it.
8. I have very few good friends, and those that I have, I love with my whole being.
9. When I die, I'm donating my body to science.
10. I ultimately want to be a pediatric nurse in Philly, but for now I've accepted a job at the Arnot that I'm not so sure I'm 100% looking forward to.
11. Nothing makes me happier than getting together with other Cystics and seeing what they go through.
12. Movies often consume my life. I could watch a million movies in a row and never be bored.
13. In my 20 years of life, I have only ever had one guest (who was my friend) visit me in the hospital in Philly. (Sidenote: I've had several of my mom's friends that I love visit me, but none of my school friends. I appreciate all the visitors, regardless!)
14. I sleep in sub-arctic temperatures.
15. I used to disguise my coughs as sneezes so my parents wouldn't tell me to do my treatments. To this day, people still say bless you when I cough.
16. I wish I was related to Obama because I love him that much.
17. At the rate I'm going, I'm afraid that my lungs will give out on me by the age of 30.
18. I don't know if I would ever get a transplant.
19. If anything ever happened to my family, I wouldn't be able to go on.
20. I am ridiculously strong emotionally, even if it gets to me on occasion.
21. If I can get a solid five years in the career of nursing under my belt, I will die happy.
22. I'm going to visit London in my lifetime.
23. I'm going to meet Kyle Cease, Harry and the Potters, and Jo Rowling (again) in my lifetime.
24. I am the fattest Cystic I know and it's getting pretty depressing.
25. I am going to start producing some wizard rock music. I just need to find the rest of my band...

I'm being a post-a-holic tonight.

I was going through my old notes I wrote on Facebook when I found this. I didn't make it up, but its copied and pasted. I found it hysterical.

You know you have CF when:

1. You know more medical terms by the age of ten than most people know their whole lives.

2. You have your pharmacist, family doctor, CF doctor, the emergency room that you always use and your medical insurance company as numbers 1-10 on your cell phone's speed dial.

3. You have come to the conclusion that your doctors are idiots most days and have the best working hours in the whole wide world—are they ever at work?

4. You have multiple scars from PICC lines, IV's and other 'experimentations' as the doctors like to call them.

5. You are so used to getting blood drawn that you are the proverbial 'test dummy' for all the new nurse fresh out of college—you don't mind do ya?!

6. You flip out when someone has an open cut, puts peroxide on it and then blows on the peroxide because it stings--- HELLO—germs are in your mouth too!!

7. You get equally annoyed when someone lays a towel on that open cut and states- but it's a clean towel—did you disinfect it? NO!

8. You have antibacterial gel in your purse, in your car, on the kitchen counter, in the bathroom, in your friend's dorm, their car— hell everywhere!

9. You can smell smoke hundreds of feet away and go searching for the source so you can thump them upside their retarded heads!

10. You quite adamantly think that smokers are some of the dumbest people you know—I always love it when they walk up a flight of stairs huffing and then say they NEED a cigarette! WHAT?!

11. You laugh at those who cry and moan from a common cold or worse yet stay home because of it!

12. You are truly sad for those cute little lab mice who must suffer from experimentations so we can have medicines to help us live— for about 1 milli-second than you jump for glee because they came up with something to help you breathe!

13. You can instruct the nurses how to work the IV machine at the hospital.

14. Some of the most memorable times with your friends include hanging out and wasting time at the hospital.

15. You have also learned who your real friends are because most people can't take the pressure of being around a person who has CF. (Sidenote: Not true at all.)

16. You make people wince on a daily basis because of the sound of your cough.

17. The checkout lady at Wal-Mart has confidently told you that she just got over what ever she had and Theraflu worked for her, which you calmly and sarcastically say—I will make sure to tell my doctors.

18. You can sleep through anything—you perfected the skill by being shaken by your vest all of these years.

19. You are a multitasker by need. While doing you're vest you MUST eat breakfast, do your nebulizers, homework, make-up, straighten your hair and have a conversation with your mother about your most current ache in your chest all at once or it would never get done.

20. You learn by the age of 15 that life is a gift and most people don't see it's pretty paper!

21. You have used you vest multiple times as a torment device for your dog by blowing air at him and watching him try to catch it in his mouth, entertainment device for the kids because a shaking vest is a fun 'toy' and a laughing tool for the adults when you try to talk to keep up with the conversation, even on the maximum setting.

22. Many adults have commented to you that you are very wise for your age.

23. You really did have a midlife crisis at the age of 18—what the hell do I do now, I wasn't suppose to make it this far!

24. If Albuterol and Xopenex were living things you would marry them because according to you they were sent from heaven to us CFers for a little help in the breathing department.

25. You laugh at your friends and their newest drama—haha! Don't we all wish it was THAT easy!

26. You get truly pissed at people who don't put yes as organ donors on their driver's license—what the hell are you going to do with them when you're dead, huh?!

27. You feel as if there is ALWAYS someone worse off than you somewhere.

28. You are constantly on the go, realizing that time stands still for no one.

29. You grew up thinking that everyone in your class does machines, nebulizers, inhalers, sprays and pills for an hour or two each morning before they came to school and an hour or two after.

30. You are more scared of losing your loved ones, family and friends then you are of dying your self.

31. You truly feel that you have this for a reason and, damn it, you're going to make people proud!

32. You realize at an extremely young age that you can buy everything but time and as a CFer, that is the one thing you would love to have!



Some of you will understand it all but most won't-- this is mostly for all the CFer's out there living and working each day to breathe.

The things I notice.

For some reason, I have been paying particular attention to what has happened today. It's been a completely normal day, but some things have stuck out to me. I noticed the following things.

I went to the bank to activate my new debit card, and every time I go into my bank, I always smell the same thing. The smell of the bank is the strangest thing ever, but yet I love it. It never smells different, and I always think it should smell bad with all the grubby money that it holds, but it doesn't. The smell is entirely pleasing to my nostrils. If that's not random, then I don't know what is.

Another thing I noticed today is the toilets with the sensors in the mall. It seems that they always flush at the most inconvenient times, such as WHILE you are going to the bathroom, or WHILE you are trying to finish up. I may be alone in this, but I can never get those toilets to cooperate with me. I feel so dirty after I use them, that I want to take several showers. Of course, the one thing they don't do is flush when you are actually done. Sensors are pure genius and whoever thought of them should get a round of freakin' applause.

One major thing I noticed today is that people don't listen. I went to get prescriptions filled today at the Guthrie pharmacy. The first thing I said directly to the lady in charge was, "I don't want this length of insulin needle, I need the half inch ones." I said this a total of 3 times before she sent my script back to be filled. What do I get a half an hour later? Short needles. I swear I was about to throw the box at her just to teach her a lesson. Perhaps I should just go buy her a thing of Q-tips to clean out her ears. She always messes up my prescriptions.

Next in line of random things I noticed: soda prices. I've taken to diet soda since my hospital stay, trying to be a good diabetic. What I don't understand is that while a 20 oz. of diet Pepsi is about $1.49, a 2 liter is just the same price or even a little less. Who in the world wouldn't take a deal like that. It doesn't make sense to me. If buying a 20 oz. is solely for the convenience of carrying it around everywhere with you, then I say, let me carry a 2 liter. I might get looked at strange, but at least I saved some money.

Last on the list is returning movies. I pulled up aside Blockbuster to return Mirrors and I got out to put it in the slot, while leaving my car on in the fire lane for about 30 seconds. It got me wondering why thieves don't hover next to movie return slots. If you want to steal a car, that is the perfect way to do it. Just run into the car while the person is returning their movie, and bam, it's ready to go. Keys in the ignition, door most likely slightly open so as not to cause a ruckus when you are so carefully sliding in. It's perfect. Maybe if the economy gets any worse, I will pick up this job. Sometimes I think I am sheer genius.

Obama.

So far, I love the man. I love the policies he's enforcing. I love the reversal of everything ex-president Bush (oh, it feels good to say that) has done. Although he's only been in office for four days, I truly think he is going to turn the US around. Just thought I'd say.