Great things:
Today is an amazing day. The weather is beautiful. Abby has been giving me cute faces all morning. The washer and dryer were empty so laundry didn't take too long. My room is clean. It's one of my days off. I have two movies I have never seen. My lungs are junky, but it's all moving really well! I'm figuring out how to work around the virus my computer has picked up. I think I'll go write a song.
Good things:
I slept in. I'm returning something I bought in order to have more money, and it feels good to be responsible. I don't have to start work until July 6, which gives me time to finish school, go to Justin and Ashley's wedding, and leaves me up to a month to get my health back in line. I confronted the rudest person in my nursing class last night. My hair still smells like yesterday's shampoo. My sheets and blankets are done being washed and dried.
Concerning things:
Though the mucus in my lungs is moving, I feel like I might just be getting an infection, again. ICU petrifies me and every time I get in my car for my internship, I shake from head to toe. I can't move "fast, fast, fast. You have to learn to be fast". I don't have the strength to pull 200+ pound people up in bed, but I'm not sure a lot of people my size post-broken arm would be able to either. Did I mention ICU petrifies me? Haha. For these being my concerning things, I would say I'm in pretty good shape right now.
Most concerning thing:
My dad's back and his lack of seeing a doctor. Once again, I'll say it. The worry you feel when I get sick is felt ten fold by me when you are in pain or get sick. Please fix it, and that will be one thing off my concern list.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Reality is awesome. Here's a dose.
I often wonder if I am a mean person. Everyone is mean from time to time. But sometimes I think the "mean" in me is just reality trying to force itself out of my mouth. I tend to judge situations people are going through after I have a bit of an idea who they are and how they respond to life. I don't do so blindly. I would never tell someone to stop complaining if I didn't think it was something they could have prevented or a situation where there are many many people who have it worse. So this is my issue. I have finally decided that I will stop reading a certain blog that I read. Every time I read it, it is complaint after complaint, a cry for pity and attention. I keep reiterating my opinion in a very blunt manner.
My mind goes through a certain process when I respond to this blog. First I try to think of what she goes through, but there is always another side to the issue. 'Yes, you have CF. So do many other people. Yes you have lots of mental issues, ranging from depression, to PTSD, to fibromyalgia, but so do many other people. Sure your lungs are quitting on you and of course I understand that you get out of breath doing tasks, but I know people personally who have less lung function than you that don't let it eat away at them and are still able to at least shower in the morning.'
I take care of patients all the time that are far worse off than this person, and they choose to do something about it, to truly put their foot down and take control of their life that is spinning out of control. Those who do nothing to help themselves are giving up on life. When someone gives up on life and begins the down hill process, they receive attention and pity and condolence, and if that is what you are seeking, then it would make sense to not help yourself. If life wasn't hard, we wouldn't benefit from it. If people didn't have abnormalities, diseases, etc., there would be no "normal". I've tried to see it from her perspective for a while now, but I just can't. As I told her once before, in the words of Hannah Montana (Yes, I know I'm 20 years old), "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock."
I know a lot of people will think I am cruel, and mean, and just flat out... the devil. The thing with this though is that I go through a lot of what she goes through. We are roughly the same age. Her lungs are a little worse than mine, but regardless of how bad off we are, we have at least one thing in common: we can't breathe well. The difference? I don't wallow in my situation until it consumes me. I don't blame others for my problems. In a sense, I try my hardest to take the bull by the horns and live a normal life. I'm not saying she doesn't try, because everyone with CF tries their hardest to get away from it, but when bad comes, I try just a little harder not to let it consume my whole being.
I found a song within the past month that just sums up life in general. The chorus is what everyone should live by. The song is "Sounds Like Life To Me" by Darryl Worley. It talks about a guy who finds his friend struggling with his issues and his life and, in a sense, everything. His words of advice are awesome. They go as follows:
Sounds like life to me.
Aint no destiny.
The only thing for certain is uncertainty.
You gotta hold on tight.
Just enjoy the ride.
Get used to all this unpredictability.
Sounds like life.
Man, I know its tough but you gotta suck it up.
To hear you talk you're caught up in some tragedy.
...Sounds like life to me.
My mind goes through a certain process when I respond to this blog. First I try to think of what she goes through, but there is always another side to the issue. 'Yes, you have CF. So do many other people. Yes you have lots of mental issues, ranging from depression, to PTSD, to fibromyalgia, but so do many other people. Sure your lungs are quitting on you and of course I understand that you get out of breath doing tasks, but I know people personally who have less lung function than you that don't let it eat away at them and are still able to at least shower in the morning.'
I take care of patients all the time that are far worse off than this person, and they choose to do something about it, to truly put their foot down and take control of their life that is spinning out of control. Those who do nothing to help themselves are giving up on life. When someone gives up on life and begins the down hill process, they receive attention and pity and condolence, and if that is what you are seeking, then it would make sense to not help yourself. If life wasn't hard, we wouldn't benefit from it. If people didn't have abnormalities, diseases, etc., there would be no "normal". I've tried to see it from her perspective for a while now, but I just can't. As I told her once before, in the words of Hannah Montana (Yes, I know I'm 20 years old), "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock."
I know a lot of people will think I am cruel, and mean, and just flat out... the devil. The thing with this though is that I go through a lot of what she goes through. We are roughly the same age. Her lungs are a little worse than mine, but regardless of how bad off we are, we have at least one thing in common: we can't breathe well. The difference? I don't wallow in my situation until it consumes me. I don't blame others for my problems. In a sense, I try my hardest to take the bull by the horns and live a normal life. I'm not saying she doesn't try, because everyone with CF tries their hardest to get away from it, but when bad comes, I try just a little harder not to let it consume my whole being.
I found a song within the past month that just sums up life in general. The chorus is what everyone should live by. The song is "Sounds Like Life To Me" by Darryl Worley. It talks about a guy who finds his friend struggling with his issues and his life and, in a sense, everything. His words of advice are awesome. They go as follows:
Sounds like life to me.
Aint no destiny.
The only thing for certain is uncertainty.
You gotta hold on tight.
Just enjoy the ride.
Get used to all this unpredictability.
Sounds like life.
Man, I know its tough but you gotta suck it up.
To hear you talk you're caught up in some tragedy.
...Sounds like life to me.
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