Different points of view.

I'm not sure why I decided to write this entry. It just struck me as interesting.
I am in a group online that helps me deal with my CF. Everyone in the group is like a personal friend that I have never met, but am so lucky to know. We really like to have fun regarding our CF, but sometimes we hit a serious note. In the next few entries, you will catch a glimpse of how some of us feel regarding our daily struggle, and the support systems we use to help us through it. No names will be given, not that anyone would really know them.

"It's not that I'm necessarily afraid of death. What I hate is what you leave behind. All the loved ones and stuff... I'm very sappy in that aspect. I don't want to die before my parents... I don't want to leave my husband behind ... things like that get me sad."

"I must be weak.. but I don't think I am. I feel bad that my parents have to fork out everything they earn to keep me 'healthy'. I feel bad that my parents have to worry about my health. But I don't think it's fair that I keep all the stress and worries I have to myself. I share everything with my parents and especially to my boyfriend. I mean I didn't choose to have the disease so why should I be the only one that has to bear the burden?"

"I definitely feel guilt about how CF affects the other people in my life! I want it to just be MY disease. I can deal with the s***, but I hate it when the people around me are affected. BUT in reality, it affects people only because they care about us. And they think we are worth it. And probably don't care that it is affecting them, they probably just want you to feel better!"

"I'm pretty nervous about death, but really I am desensitized on other big issues and take an "o-well nothing I can do" attitude. The one thing I get a lot is guilt for what I put other people through. I feel really bad for making my parents have to go to the hospital on Easter, or stuff like that. In fact a lot of times while at school even if I am sick I will tell my family I'm fine just because I don't want them to worry and there is nothing they can do anyway."

"Any time something really bad happens, I'll basically say the same thing: "What're you going to do? S*** happens. Move along." Because of that (and I hate to admit this), I also have less patience for people who dwell on stupid issues. On the contrary, I find myself much more empathetic towards people who have it worse off than me than a normal person would.. P.S. Death isn't much of an issue to me. I mean, everyone has to go through it, y'know? In fact, it's the theme of my next tattoo. It's going to end up translating to 'once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.'"

"Death is still a very sad and real thing to me."

"...Second of all, I never want to die. I love life far too much. If I die, I want to die before everyone else though, because I don't want to experience being left without someone I love. Slightly hypocritical. Whatever. Third of all, I would rather take on the pain, agony, and suffering of EVERYONE who cares about me and what I go through. This is my burden. I deal with it really well, and I don't feel as though others should have to go through that because I know it makes me stronger. Also, if they don't deal with it, they don't have to deal with the emotional pain that accompanies it. Let everyone else live their lives toil free! Some aren't as strong as I consider myself to be."

I'm not sure what exactly made me do this post, but I hope you guys can see the different issues on our minds. And because I'm not worried about my name being attached to one of these quotes, the last one is my point of view. For anyone who was curious what I think about life and death, now you know. It's an issue everyone deals with, but when you go through life the way I have, it makes you see things a little bit differently. I know that the little things in life make me completely happy. It's not the holiday that matters, missing your birthday, Easter, Christmas, the Fourth of July, it's who is there to share it with you, and hopefully without worries, though you can never ask that of someone who loves you unconditionally.

I'm hoping this will ease tension or fears among anyone who has ever worried about me. There's no point in worrying! I would take on a world of worry to give someone else happiness, at least for a day. And even with worry and stress in my life, I remain a genuinely happy person, because I have nothing in my life that is worth getting down about!